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The BEGINNING of a GRAND ADVENTURE! - imcooldude

July 5th, 2012, 12:41 am

Average Rating: 5.00
Touch me more....
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Author's Comments:

Reply Advertisement, May 25th, 2019, 8:25 am

User's Comments:

Reply NightOwl35, July 5th, 2012, 1:17 am

Critique/Advice Your comic seems to possibly have some promise, but I do have a few suggestions to make it better. Take them as you will as it is just suggestions on improvement.

First of all, the Castlevania sprites you are using are by far not a good choice. At all. I'd suggest looking for sprites from either the GBA or DS games, to fit in better. As it is now, you're having multiple style clash against each other and it's not working out in your favor.

Second, try to fix your grammar a little. Most people won't read a comic if the grammar is bad or is hard to understand. To fix this, try using a program like Microsoft Word to check your work before you add it into the comic.

Next, your layout is all over the place. Every panel has different widths for the outlines, same with the text bubbles. Stick with a small outline so as to not detract from what's important which is what's inside of the panels.
As for the text boxes, the same thing with the overly big outlines. It's a nice touch to add them in, but they don't need to be so big. It takes up a lot of space, which I'll get to in a second. As for the font, try to use a comic font like Anime Ace. A nice font adds a lot to a comic. And remember. Don't let the text touch the outsides of the bubbles. It will make it more difficult to read and even turn off some people.

Now, above I was telling you about how the outlines waste space? Well instead of abnormally big text bubbles, why not make your panels bigger, and zoom in on important parts? In panels 3, 4, and 5, you have a lot of background that doesn't need to be there. It's all empty space. Zooming in on a character also gives the readers more of an idea of emotion. Is it a tense panel? A happy panel? What should we be feeling? Try to convey that in your characters faces as well as utilizing the panel layout.

Next for your characters, I have only one problem with them. Who are they? Why should I care about them? What is the meaning of them to the story? You started off with the brown fox fighting Dracula and then Dracula runs off. Why was he fighting Dracula? What's his back-story? Who is he? Why should I care? Also the blue fox, why is he in the castle as well? What's his point to what's happening? It seems like you're making this comic for yourself and not for yourself and other readers which should be the goal of the comic. To be enjoyable for anyone to read. Right now I don't really enjoy it as the characters have no depth to me. They seem like they're just there. It says he's a vampire hunter, but I want to know more about him. Why is he a vampire hunter? Why is he going after Dracula? What are his other accomplishments? All I know is he's there. That's it.

As for a final comment, you don't need the panel at the very bottom. That could very easily be taken out, and put into the authors comment section, or on a custom page.

Anyways, I'm sorry if this seemed a bit harsh, but it's been a while since I've seen a Castlevania element added into a comic, so you've got my interest from that. It seems to have some potential so I want to see you do good. If you do need help or advice with any of these things, feel free to ask me, and I'll gladly help in the time I have free if I can.

Tl;Dr:
- Your sprites are clashing and they look bad.
- Your grammar and spelling need some improvement.
- Your layout needs cleaned up and you have a lot of unused blank space.
- Your characters are bland, boring, and I want to know more about them. Don't just drop us in the middle of the story with no explanation as to what's going on with no reasoning behind it at all.
- If you need help with anything feel free to ask me.

So I'll add this to my favs for now, and hope to see some progression from you guys.

Reply Yoshi-kun, July 5th, 2012, 1:40 am

@NightOwl35: "First of all, the Castlevania sprites you are using are by far not a good choice. At all. I'd suggest looking for sprites from either the GBA or DS games, to fit in better. As it is now, you're having multiple style clash against each other and it's not working out in your favor."

That was kind of the point, with my character killing "R. The Creature" (R being retro). There are sprites for the Creature in the DS games, yes, but that would defeat the point a bit. That is a normal enemy in those games, and in Harmony of Despair, our main basis for a bunch of Castlevania jokes we'll likely make in this thing, while R. Creature is a boss in CV1 and once again, Harmony of Despair. I did warn him about bit-mixing ahead of time, though, haha.

"Every panel has different widths for the outlines"

He told me that he would make 100% sure the panels would be equal next comic he makes, but he seemed to be too lazy to do so this comic, as he had already made the panel and didn't want to re-do it.

We'll be switching off each comic however, so looks like I'll possibly get some critique on my comic creating soon enough. =b

Reply imcooldude, July 5th, 2012, 6:33 pm

Thanks @NightOwl35: Thanks for the advice I had problems completing this comic because I'm lazy but I am currently re-doing my sprites actually the story is in the description some where, the overall idea is to kill Dracula. There will also be minor conflicts going on throughout the story. I have only really worked on the story. Sprite clashing was because we wanted to use our personal sprites (Modified Tails sprites). Also I am not the most grammatical person in the world so I'll spell check and all that stuffs. We just really wanted to get something up as a hey were starting a comic next one won't be out for a while seeing how I am re-doing my sprites and I think Mr. Yoshi is as well. So thanks again for the advice. :P

Reply Yoshi-kun, July 5th, 2012, 6:40 pm

@imcooldude: Well, I'm about done with my re-made sprite sheet, as is kind of shown in this comic, just need a few sprites from you, sir. And the sprite clashing he was talking about was the NES Creature with the GBA backdrop and Tails sprites I believe.

Reply imcooldude, July 5th, 2012, 6:52 pm

Oh Well the R.Creature was a gag-thing.

Reply Yoshi-kun, July 6th, 2012, 3:36 am

Oh, and yes, we will have a little explanation for the Private's clothing change. Mine need not be explained as my re-made sprite sheet is the design shown in this strip above.

Reply richtofen77, July 6th, 2012, 11:42 pm

OVER JUDGEMENT FOR THE FIRST FUCKING COMIC title explains enough good day sir

Reply Yoshi-kun, July 7th, 2012, 2:18 pm

Well, out of nowhere, I'm leaving on a planned trip a few days early. I'll try to get the comic done before I leave, but if not done, it'll be a week before I'm back. Sorry.

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